Is Self-Doubt Standing Between You and Your Career Goals?
“What if I fail? … Oh, but my darling, what if you fly?”
— Erin Hansen
I was so excited when my trainer, Rachael, reached out to me last week to tell me about a new class she’s teaching at the gym. If I’m being honest, I was also a little nervous.
It had been years since I did a group exercise class, and months (hovering dangerously close to two years) since I had consistently worked out at the gym Could I keep up? … Would I embarrass myself? …Will I be “that one” who sprains her finger putting the dumbbell back on the rack?
Despite my trepidation, I showed up for the first class today. I had no idea who else would be in the group, but I assumed it would mostly be in-shape 30-somethings. When I saw Rachael, I asked, “Am I going to be the oldest and least coordinated person in the class?” (Full transparency: I may have used less kind words about myself.)
This is how she responded: “Don’t talk about yourself like that! If you do, I’m going to uninvite you to my class.”
Message received. And I mean message received. It stuck with me throughout the day, as I wondered why it seems so reflexive to denigrate myself. I wouldn’t dream of talking to my kids, husband, friends or clients that way — ever!!
Flipping the Script: From Self-Doubt to Self-Confidence
I know I’m not alone. So many of my clients dismiss their many strengths and instead, focus on ways (they’ve convinced themselves that) they’re not good enough. Not smart enough. Not talented enough. Not capable enough. Not experienced enough.
They’ve repeated these “not-enough” messages to themselves for so long that they believe it. And that keeps them stuck — in their lives and, often, in their careers.
Self-doubt is a crutch. It provides a safety net for the failures that will occasionally — but inevitably — result from trying something new, especially if that something is a reach.
If you’ve developed a habit of self-denigration, you can just as easily create a new one around self-encouragement. Here are nine ways to start:
Catch yourself. You can’t change something you don’t know you’re doing. Whether you express your self-doubt to someone else or run it on a constant loop in your head, notice the negative self-talk. And then imagine a bright red stop sign.
Notice the pattern. What situations trigger these thoughts? Are there recurrent themes?
Filter. Run self-defeating thoughts past the “would-I-say-this-to-others” test. Chances are, the answer will be NO.
Play devil’s advocate. Challenge the thoughts. Are they really true? If not, what’s behind them? Are you seeking validation from others? Are you using them to protect yourself from failure?
Show yourself some compassion. Be kind with your words, even (especially) the ones that run through your mind. Encourage yourself as you would a friend.
Accept compliments. Don’t deflect or dismiss them. Say “thank you”— that’s it; no explanation necessary!
Switch it up. Try a new recipe. Add a new color to your wardrobe. Throw a jog into your daily walk. Every tiny step you make beyond your comfort zone builds trust in yourself.
Embrace failure. If that’s too far a stretch for you, at least become comfortable with it. You can’t grow without occasionally failing at something. Watch a toddler learn to walk. They stumble, they fall, they persevere … and before you know it, they’re running across the room!
Celebrate small victories. Catch yourself doing things right! Reward yourself for your accomplishments, however “small” you might deem them. Buy yourself a bouquet of flowers. Treat yourself to a fancy box of tea or bubble bath. Small victories set the stage for bigger ones.
Show Up for Yourself … Your Job … and Your Career
I survived this morning’s class … and guess what? I met some really nice people, including a woman who, before class, confided that she was “so nervous.” Nobody judged me or my 8-kg kettlebell. I did what I could, and modified certain exercises as I needed to.
As Rachael said, this is Day One. We start here and get stronger and stronger with every class. I let that sink in. And I can’t wait for the next class.
Had I let my feelings of self-doubt rule, I would’ve missed out. Instead, I pushed. I pushed hard. And I felt really good about it. (My biceps might not agree tomorrow … )
Is your negative self-talk robbing you of opportunities to find a better job or explore a new career? Flip the script. You are far smarter and more talented than you likely give yourself credit for.
What are your career goals? And, perhaps more importantly, how will you encourage yourself to achieve them?
It’s never too early — or too late — to find a career that’s right for YOU.